Reasons to kill
by YouCantTakeTheSkyFromMe
Summary: A few relativly short stories. Not a Valduggery amoung them; ain't that shiny!
1. Reason to kill number 1

The chapping wouldn't stop. What was with that man? Why did he always have to be so persistent? He had been tapping the window for going on two minutes now and had failed to notice that the window was unlocked; all he had to do was slide it up from the outside.

Another long minute later the tapping stopped. By this time Valkyrie was wide awake and only staying huddled under the duvet out of sheer laziness. She heard footsteps on the carpet next to the window then Skulduggery spoke "Were you ever going to let me in?"

"I knew you'd find your way in eventually." Valkyrie fake-yawned.

"I'm glad you have confidence in me and all but you really could have opened the window." She felt him sitting on the foot of the bed "Just to be nice."

Valkyrie squirmed, her head peaking over the top of her covers, glaring at him. "What's the emergency?"

"No emergency." He said brightly. Skulduggery would have been smiling if he had lips.

"Then why did you come chapping on my window at" Valkyrie looked over at her alarm clock. "Oh crap!" She squealed. It was already twelve and she was supposed to have done all of her chores an hour ago ready for her mother coming home from work.

"What?" Skulduggery asked confusedly as Valkyrie threw off the duvet and ran for the wardrobe, grabbed some new clothes and dashed for the bathroom to change. If she was going to have all the chores done she was going to need her reflection's help too. Maybe she could even rope Skulduggery into help washing the kitchen table...

Val turned on the shower and proceeded to wash herself, shaking her hair in an attempt to get it wet so much that there were splashes on the mirror. She heard Skulduggery lean on the outside of the door. "Valkyrie?"

"What?" Val yelled over the shower.

"Were you supposed to have done something?" Val could tell he was displaying his genius "Like, I don't know, chores?"

"You're a genius!" Sarcasm not leaving her voice "Do you mind helping?"

"I don't know... There's a bit of an emergency."

"I thought you said-... What's the emergency?" Val sighed, giving in, turning off the shower and quickly getting dressed. Skulduggery didn't answer.

When she tried to push open the door at first it wouldn't budge, Skulduggery had been leaning on it all right. He stepped out of the way, took one look at her dripping wet hair and asked "Do you want me to-?"

As she sped for the hairbrush she just nodded and before she could reach her bedroom mirror she was bone dry. Dragging a brush threw her tangled hair Val decided to ask again "What's the emergency?"

"Oh. No emergency." Skulduggery said brightly.

"I am going to kill you." Valkyrie spat, glaring, she let the hairbrush drop to her side. As Skulduggery moved his jaw to speak Val cut him off "Yes, I know you're already technically dead but don't you worry, I'll think of something."


	2. Reason to kill number 2

"Would you let me finish?" Valkyrie moaned, slumping in the front seat of the Bentley. Skulduggery had been more annoying than ever today. They're conversation had gone from banter to a full blown argument for the first time Val could remember.

Skulduggery stopped talking and nodded. "Okay." Val calmed herself "I was going to say, it will only be for a little while. A week. That's _it_."

"You could always send your reflection."

Valkyrie snorted "_What_? And miss the only vacation I've had in three years?"

"You could always take me with you."

"Yeah, and the man dressed in winter clothes by the pool won't look suspicious at all..." Valkyrie laughed "Never mind the fact that he'd be following me around."

"Good point. " The Bentley turned a particularly sharp corner and Val's head hit off the window, making her wince and hold her head. Yep, that was going to swell. Skulduggery _laughed_.

"What happened to 'are you okay'?" She was shocked! He was laughing at her pain. Ouch.

"When I told Kenspeckle you could handle yourself I meant it. Plus, it's not like it's a fatal injury." He snorted. He _snorted_!

"You know. I was thinking about staying home."

"Oh well that's-"

"I _wa_s thinking about staying home." She sat back up in her seat triumphantly "Not anymore."

"I swear, one of these days I _am_ going to kill you."

"Just make sure it's not my reflection then, it tends not to be so effective."


	3. Reason to kill number 3

"Well that sucked." Val announced bleakly, dumping what was left from her cola in the trash. Actually, it was more melted ice than cola.

"I told you that." Skulduggery replied, sounding like a child "Didn't I tell you that?"

"Yes." She sighed "But I thought I ought to see it so I can criticise it without Kenspeckle's usual" Val imitated Kenspeckle. "'But you haven't even seen it."

"I still don't see why you brought me along."

"Because I'd look like a weirdo going to the movies on my own. Plus I needed someone to complain to."

"Aw, isn't that sweet, you need me?"

"Nice. You waited until I threw away my drink. You're fore-ward planning now." Laughing, she threw a piece of pop-corn at him.

"I'm just _that_ perfect." If he had lips he'd be grinning.

"HA!" Val grinned back "You're smart but you're no Edward Cullen."

Before she could brace herself Skulduggery shoved her, spilling pop-corn everywhere. "Why_, thank you_."

They laughed and joked all the way to the Bentley about how stupid Bella was, how ridiculous the vampires were and how just plain _silly_ the wolves were. "All in all," Val said "A _big_ waste of time."

"Didn't I tell you that?"

"That's it!" Val threw her pop-corn at him, spilling it all over the interior of the Bentley.

"VALKYRIE!" he mourned his nice, _clean_ car. "_Why_ did you do that?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, didn't I tell you?"

With a huge sigh, Skulduggery picked pop-corn off the dashboard and threw it back at her. "One of these days... One of these days I'll snap, Valkyrie Cain."

"Well, until then." She giggled and continued to toss pop-corn his way.


	4. Reason to kill number 4

"Aw!" Val squealed, immediately embarrassed. Skulduggery looked at her; if he had eyebrows one of them would certainly be raised. "_What_?" Val attempted to defend the last of her dignity.

"It's a giant jaguar with wings that's just killed one-" A blood-curling scream came from the TV just on cue "two people."

"Your point?"

"Monsters aren't cute.

"_You're _cute." Val smiled.

He sighed. "What do you want?"

"Why do you assume I want something?"

Skulduggery proceeded to give her the look.

"Okay" Val gave in. "Christmas is coming and-"

"I'm-too-poor." Skulduggery blurted out quickly.

"You didn't even let me finish!"

"I didn't have to. It's expensive, isn't it?"

"You own a Bentley!"

"And so, I have no money left."

"I should just kill you and sell the dam car." Val muttered under her breath as they proceeded to watch the crowds of medieval villagers being massacred.


	5. Reason to kill number 5

Valkyrie chocked. Damn peanut.

She reached for her glass and just when she lifted it, Skulduggery gave her a swift whack on the back, the peanut dislodged itself, yeah, but the nice _cream_ carpet was now covered in coke.

"Skulduggery!" She moaned, running for the paper towels, praying that the coke wouldn't stain.

"What? You _wanted_ to be chocking?"

"No." Val sighed, scrubbing at the carpet. It didn't look like the maroon was shifting. "But it would have been nice if you hadn't dyed by carpet brown!"

"You were chocking." He told her, defiantly, pretending to still be watching _'Transformers'_.

"Well, next time let me choke." She felt her face going bright red "Mum is going to _kill_ me!"

"Don't worry" he said casually, still ignoring her furious scrubbing "just blame me."

For a moment Valkyrie was lost for words. She searched for a snappy come-back about a skeleton being in her living room watching her DVD's but ended on muttering "Moron." at the carpet.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, oh, great one." Sarcasm was one of her favourite tools these days.

"Good. Now go make me a sandwich."

Val was on her way to the kitchen to put out the coke-stained paper-towels when she stopped and threw them at his face. "Make your own damn sandwich." Not sarcastic this time. "And you don't even eat, so you'll need to think of something else."

Skulduggery picked the paper-towels from his suit. "You could always throw these out."

"Umm..." Valkyrie took a moment to pretend to think before sitting back down comfortably in her armchair. "No."

"Spoilt brat." She heard him mumble as he stood up and headed for the bin.

Just as he had wandered into the kitchen she heard the front door open. "Crap!" she hissed before checking that there were no signs of Skulduggery. There was nothing. That was except for him being in the next room. No! Her mum had bought shopping; she was going for the kitchen.

"Mum!" Valkyrie shouted into the hall. Valkyrie got to her feet and as fast as her legs would take her, ran for her. If she could give Skulduggery enough time to get out the back door she could just save the day yet.

"Stephanie" her mum stopped walking, startled. "Do you mind helping me?" She motioned to the bags in her hands.

"I'll take them." Val rushed forward and took them from her mother just as the back door opened and swiftly closed again.

"What was that?"

"I'm sure it was nothing." Val smiled reassuringly. She was going to kill that man.

Her mum obviously ignored her and headed quickly for the back door. Val caught a glimpse out the open front door. Skulduggery ran for the Bentley, franticly started it up and sped away without even fastening his seatbelt.

"Stephanie!" Her mum yelled from the living room. "I understand you like the colour brown and everything but was it necessary for you to dye the carpet?"

Valkyrie's arms dropped to her side as she lost a little bit of her will to live. She was going to _kill that man._


	6. Reason to kill number 6

"You're not coming." Skulduggery told her decisively.

"Oh, yes I am." Valkyrie was not in the mood, she tugged the seat belt over her.

"No." He ordered firmly, to which Valkyrie just rolled her eyes.

"We don't have time for this; I'm coming with you, that's that." Valkyrie was even more firm than Skulduggery.

"Twenty-plus vampires."

"I know."

"_One_ almost killed you."

"I remember."

"Twenty will kill you twenty times over."

"I realise this. Can we go through the formalities on the way?"

"Only if you promise not to blame it on me if you die; I have enough people haunting me as it is."

"Shut up. I'm not going to die."

Skulduggery started up the Bentley. "One of these days you will." He looked at her, tilting his head at her apprehensively.

"Well not today." Valkyrie smiled, slumping in her seat to make sure she wasn't seen.

"Kenspeckle's right you know. You _are_ only fifteen."

"You're a genius you are."

"I know." He left it at that. A genius he wasn't, but he was smart enough to leave the subject be. Val smiled, happy with herself; another successful manipulation. "Don't you think that I don't know what you're doing."

"What?"

"You're getting your own way by changing the subject."

"I think you'll find that _you_ changed the subject." It wasn't lying either.

"One of these days I'll just send you out as vampire bait. They're always after you, you must look delicious."

"Oh, _ha ha."_

"I'm serious." And he looked it too.

"Just you remember Kenspeckle. He finds out you've been using me as vampire bait he'll use you as werewolf bate."

"You assume werewolves exist?"

"Everything else exists, why not them?"

"Good point."

"Do they?"

He paused. "Yes."

Valkyrie smiled to herself again. "Werewolf bait... that should be your Indian chieftain name."

"You start using that, I'll kill you myself and have 'vampire bait' written on your grave stone, to hell with Kenspeckle."

They kept on driving until the Bentley stopped by a graveyard, Ghastly and Tanith were already waiting on them. Val and Skulduggery clambered out of the Bentley.

"I'll go in first." Skulduggery announced, re-loading his revolver with a hand-full of bullets from his jacket pocket.

"Alright then, Werewolf-bait." Val howled with laughter... Skulduggery just shook his head. Not surprisingly Ghastly and Tanith were just plain confused, although Tanith wore a small pity-smile on her face.


	7. Reason to kill number 7

Valkyrie proceeded to hit her head lightly off her desk. _Damn maths!_ Thump. _Damn exam!_ Thump. _Damn school!_ Thump. _Damn Skulduggery!_

"Valkyrie?" Skulduggery was sitting at the window, having just let himself in. Valkyrie was in the habit of opening her window whenever she was in the room these days, knocking made too much noise to be safe.

"Hello." She glared at him, hissing. "Happy?"

"Shouldn't I be? There's no mass-murders on the loose right now. And it's even sunny!" Before he could move out of the way Valkyrie threw her pencil at him. Much to her disgust, it went through his eye-socket, hit the back of his head and spun once around his eye-socket before falling through the bottom of his jaw. _"Ouch!"_

"Did that hurt?"

"Yes."

"Good!" Val threw her compass at him, this time he dodged and the sharp end hit the window.

"I'm sensing you're not happy."

"Oh course I'm not _happy_! I'm about to have a fricking nervous breakdown because _someone_ wanted to me to go back to school for a term!" She got out off her chair, there was no-one else in the house, and she could yell all she pleased. Valkyrie kicked the chair across the room, her head was dizzy with, probably, irrational anger.

Skulduggery watched as the chair spun on itself and hit the blue wall. "I'm sure the chair didn't deserve that."

Hissing at him Valkyrie sat on her bed, distancing herself from her Maths revision "Why can't I just get my reflection to sit the damn exam?"

"Because, you need to do this." He walked towards her desk and glanced over her revision. It was mainly a sea of x's and y's surrounded by a few triangles with missing angles and lengths. "What's a 'standard deviation'?"

"Beats me." Valkyrie was trying hard to calm herself down but it wasn't going all that well, she was just getting a headache for her troubles, and this one had nothing to do with the desk.

He just shrugged. "Maybe it is a bit confusing. But you're smart."

She grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at him, it was a little too big for him to dodge so easily and so it hit him squarely in his face, he didn't move a muscle until the pillow hit the ground. Valkyrie smiled sweetly at him and in her best 'innocent little girl' voice "Thank you."

"You have to sit your exam." Skulduggery was stern, like everyone's lives depended on it. '_Dumb Skeleton_' was all that went through Val's head.

"But I'll fail!"

"No you won't."

"Yes, I will. And there are more important things to do, like training."

"I can catch you up later."

"When? The _next time_ a super-evil bad-guy breaks out of jail and comes after us?"

"Hopefully before then."

"Urgh!" Valkyrie was running out of things to throw at him so she just thumped the bed.

"You're sulking now, right?"

"Right." She said sourly.

"I'll come back later then." He headed for the window but before he could get a firm footing on the outside Val pushed at the air behind him, sending him falling_. Dumph_. "Valkyrie..." He asked from face-down on the front garden.

"Yes?"

"You made me crush my hat."

"Poor hat."

"Don't worry; it'll have its revenge."


	8. Note from the author

Author note:

I'd just like to thank everyone who has read and/or reviewed this story.

I write because you review, so keep sending the good vibes and I'll keep sending out the fiction.

=]

Oh, and you may notice that Chapter 5 is 'Reason to kill number 6' and Chapter 6 is called 'Reason to kill number 5', this mix-up occurred because I noticed a consistent mistake in chapter 5. I deleted it and re-published the revised version after I published Chapter 6.

Again, thanks for the great reviews and I hope you enjoy what's still to come.

-Allanna ( YouCantTakeTheSkyFromMe )


	9. Reason to kill number 9

"Say it." Edward told Bella.

"Vampire." Bella looked confused and angry and some other emotion that Valkyrie assumed was her default expression.

Just at that moment Valkyrie let out a _huge_, unforeseen, laugh and a snort at the fictional village idiot. She tried her very best to shut herself up before the characters started talking again and she made everyone miss the movie.

She failed, badly.

Skulduggery jabbed his elbow into her side roughly, making her hold her side. The just laughter kept coming though and people were staring and muttering, the old woman next to her was giving her daggers. If looks could kill, Valkyrie would be six feet under.

"Sorry!" Valkyrie whispered between laughs. She wished so bad she could stop laughing but she knew that once she got started, there was no stopping her. Not even the look that Skulduggery reserved for interrogating murderers.

Skulduggery lifted his gloved hand to point towards the bright green exit sign. Valkyrie nodded and got to her feet, hand over her mouth to snuff the giggles, and quickly exited the theatre with her face turning bright red and her lungs aching.

Outside the sound-proof door she collapsed onto herself, grasping her side which she was sure was about to split, and let out all of the snuffed laughter. She had no idea why it was all of a sudden so funny! Other than the obvious reasons, being that vampires don't sparkle, all the characters were way too dramatic, Bella was a moron and people honestly took all of that seriously. Oh wait. That was probably the reason.

"Valkyrie..." Skulduggery slid through the doors.

"Yes?" Valkyrie snorted, kneeling against the wall in fits of laughter.

"What's so funny?"

"_Really_?" Val panted "You _honestly_ don't know?"

Skulduggery tilted his head in the way he always did whenever Valkyrie mentioned 'Halo3' or 'Transformers'. This just made her laugh harder, to which, Skulduggery sighed and took a seat next to his friend on the disgusting carpet. "You baffle me sometimes, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie was in too much hysteria to respond using words so she nodded franticly, still howling.

"Are you ever going to stop laughing?"

Valkyrie shook her head just as franticly.

"This is going to be a long day."

They sat there until Valkyrie eventually calmed herself down several minutes later, they both decided not to take any more chances with the movie and call it a day. Skulduggery ran in to fetch Valkyrie's coat and her popcorn before they left.

Valkyrie was remaining relatively calm until on the way to her house, they passed a bill-board with a 'Twilight' add. Before Skulduggery could say "oh no" Valkyrie was howling with laughter again. "You need to get your head looked at."

Valkyrie shook her head, she was calmer this time but it still annoyed Skulduggery "Come on! It was funny!"

"I honestly don't see it. It was all very serious."

"_Exactly!"_

With a huge sigh, Skulduggery told her "When are you going to stop finding that funny?"

"Never!"

"Oh, good. Just to be sure."

Valkyrie continued to howl with laughter until she reached her house, she opened the door and managed to calm herself before saying goodbye to Skulduggery. "Bye."

"Good-bye, Valkyrie Cain. I hope you're brain's working by tomorrow."

"Me too."

He drove off, only for Valkyrie to be sent face-first onto the grass not a moment after he had gone around the corner by something behind her. Valkyrie spun on the grass, rolling away from her attacker, ready to pound faces.

"Oh, hi."

"Fletcher?!"

"Yeah, uh, hi." None other than Fletcher Renn stood looking gormlessly at her.

"_Why _did you just shove me?"

"I did? Oh, sorry. I just teleported here, you were standing in the wrong place at the wrong time, I guess."

Valkyrie looked down at her new suit that Ghastly had just made for her. It was covered in mud from the wet ground. Fletcher wore a 'please don't hurt me' look. "Fletcher Renn you are as good as _dead_!"


	10. Reason to kill number 10

"One more time."

Valkyrie sighed. "Okay. They're going back in time to the 1950's from the 1980's to make sure the book that _he" _Val pointed at the screen "bought in the future, not the 1980's further ahead than we are, doesn't make _him_ rich in the alternate 1980's. With me so far?"

Skulduggery took off his hat and placed it to his left. "I... think so."

"Good. Now, the book has every major sports win of the 1950's through to the year 2000 in it, so if _he_, that's _his_ future, alternate, self gives him that book he will create an alternate future, our past though, in which he's rich. If that happens then it's going to be bad, okay?"

If Skulduggery was capable of looking confused, he was now. He shook his head.

"You know what?" Val smiled "Just watch it."

They continued to watch _Back to the Future II_ until Skulduggery spoke up again. "Why does the DeLorean fly?"

"Because he bought something to make it fly in our future, not the alternate one, the regular one. Because in our future, apparently, all cars fly. Plus it's a time machine, so it's allowed to."

"Ah, I see." Skulduggery nodded, whipping out his mobile. It was a grey and blue brick with buttons on it.

"What are you doing?"

"Checking to see if you're making this up." He mashed a few buttons and Valkyrie watched him put the phone to his ear. "Hi, Ghastly?" A pause. "I'm at Gordon's, no nothing serious, have you ever heard of Back to the Future?"

"Tell him number 2." Valkyrie crossed her arms and continued to watch the eighties movie.

"Number 2?" A longer pause. Well, it was longer than the time needed for a no. "Just so you know, I am going to kill you." He hung up, not waiting for his reply. Valkyrie could picture a very confused looking Ghastly on the other end. "Well?"

"He's seen it." Skulduggery spat sourly. "Several times." He muttered.

"I knew it!" Valkyrie laughed, reaching for peanuts. "And did he understand it?"

Skulduggery didn't answer, his arms crossed.

Val grinned at him. "He did, didn't he?"

"Maybe."

"Don't worry. Your lack of brain mass might be something to do with it."

"Hey!" He shoved her shoulder.

"Call it a disability." Val grinned at him as she quickly jumped out of the way of his next shove. "Not so fast, cripple!"

"I'll show you cripple!" Skulduggery stood up, chasing Valkyrie. His foot caught the coffee table and he was sent flying over it, a bone in his foot disconnecting itself. "Oomph!" His jaw hit the ground, his foot bones scattering like Lego.

"You okay granddad?"

He glared up at her. "Just help me find my foot."


	11. Reason to kill number 11

**It's a long time comming, and I'm not sure it's very good at all, but here's another chapter. I'm strating to run out of genius ideas here... Im usually above begging but I've pretty much reached the end of my genius ideas list.**

**If you've got any ideas for chapters please, please, please let me know, through a review or PM.**

**-Allanna (YouCantTakeTheSkyFromMe)**

* * *

Skulduggery was loosing... Badly. Valkyrie was never really good at Halo but she had always played with Fletcher and Tanith and they were pretty good at it.

"It helps if you get out of the way when I shoot you." Valkyrie told Skulduggery, not taking her eyes away from the TV.

Skulduggery murmured in response and continued to fail at the task of killing Valkyrie with his bright green gun.

"And you're dead again." Val said casually.

Skulduggery looked like he might break the controller in two.

"And again."

"I know I'm dead, I think that's what the beep and fake scream meant!"

"Just so you know. And again." Val snipped him from across the map, Skulduggery put down the controller and announced that it was a pointless pursuit. "Just because you suck at it." Valkyrie decided.

"Do you have any other games? Ones that don't involve aliens?" Skulduggery sighed, dumping the remote on the coffee table, deciding he detested it.

Valkyrie kneeled on the floor, searching for another game. She lifted the top box "How about guitar hero?"

Skulduggery looked interested. "Do you kill me to win?"

"Nope." Valkyrie took this as a yes and switched the disks. As she handed the controller to him he tilted his head to examine the coloured buttons.

"And I do _what_ with this?" Valkyrie sighed and put the tutorial on. He mashed the buttons and eventually was getting the hang of it. "See? I'm good at _this_ game."

"My turn!" Val giggled, grabbing the fake guitar from him and expertly switching the difficulty all the way up and switching character to the Japanese girl with pig-tails. Before Skulduggery realised what was happening she was shredding black plastic.

"How do you do that?" Skulduggery folded his arms in annoyance, focusing on Valkyrie's fingers, constantly shifting and tapping at the five buttons.

"Easy." She looked from the screen for a moment to grin in all her useless talent, missing a few notes but not really caring.

Skulduggery _humphed_ and made an effort to make himself taller. "You're just mashing buttons."

"I'm mashing buttons _well_. There's a distinct difference."

Skulduggery sighed deeply and pretended not to care.

"You're sulking _again_?" Val laughed at her several hundred year old friend.

"No. I'm a conscientious objector."

"To _guitar hero_?"

After a moment or two Skulduggery announced "Let's go back to the killing game."

"You won't kill me."

"I can try."


	12. Reason to kill number 12

**I found this one kicking around in my documents folder. Not sure it goes with the 'reasons to kill' theme but enjoy. =]**

**-Allanna (YouCantTakeTheSkyFromMe)**

* * *

Valkyrie let out an agonising scream of pain, gasping her fore-arm, about an inch of white bone was sticking out the side of it. She cradled her new bend in her better arm, it was awkward and every turn made it harder to keep from crying out in pain. She had just snapped, it was too much and she was already crying. All she could think about was how pathetic she must have looked.

"We're only a few miles away now." Skulduggery had remained irritatingly calm throughout the whole ordeal. Even when she had first caused herself the injury by going head first, sliding down a forty-five degree slope covered in shrubs, thorns and trees. Not on purpose of course, she had been chasing after Bull Hacker; oddly, he had been skinny, pale and physically weak.

"Oh, goody!" She hissed.

"There's no need to take that tone with me. It's not _my_ fault you lost your footing."

"We didn't have to –ARGH- follow him down the hill."

"Yes, we did. He's dangerous."

"He couldn't hurt a fly! He's not exactly 'muscle man' and – ARGH – magic isn't his strong point either." She grasped her arm tighter, trying to hold it gently but firmly.

"He's a genius. Geniuses are dangerous when coupled with someone a bit more... muscle-orientated."

"ARGH!"

"You okay?"

"No I'm not okay! How could I be okay?!"

"Sorry."

"You should be!" She yelled, following it up with another scream. Valkyrie muttered under her breath "Should have expected it, after all skeletons have to brains."

"What was that?"

"I said," Valkyrie yelled "Skeletons have no brain!"

"Ah." He didn't talk for a while, despite Valkyrie's occasional screams from next to him.

"Are you sulking?" Val asked down a particularly long straight.

"Yes." Skulduggery said quietly.

"You are in no position to complain."

"That's why I'm sulking."


	13. Reason to kill number 13

I've been gone for a while, and this one has been collecting dust for months.

But tell me what you think and I'll get more on their way soon. =)

* * *

Valkyrie's hands were wet even through her gloves; snow was an annoyingly persistent enemy, made even more annoying when formed into balls and flung through the air by an _equally _persistent skeleton. As fast as she could, Valkyrie grabbed a hand-full of snow and expertly rounded a snowball, threw it with all her might but the skeleton detective- now just as covered in snow as she was- leapt out of the way with break-neck speed. "Stay still, for once!" Valkyrie laughed as her snowball hit the brick wall of the car park.

"No!" Skulduggery didn't skip a beat as he reached down for more snow. "It hurts to get hit by snowballs, you know!"

Before Valkyrie could move out of the way a particularly large, compacted, snowball hit her right in the gut. Seeing her opportunity, Valkyrie doubled over to hide her face, should she give herself away too soon. To add to the effect she let out a little forced moan.

"Valkyrie?" Her friend asked cautiously, edging towards her through the snow as it soaked his trousers.

She kept quiet, biting the chuckles bubbling at the surface. The sound of snow shuffling was getting closer so she dropped to her knees, concealing the snowball in her right hand.

Slowly, he reached out for Valkyrie's shoulder. "Are you okay? It was only a snowball..."

As his wet glove touched her shoulder she sprung up, crushing the snowball into his eye-socket.

"Valkyrie!" He cried, jumping back as he scrambled at the snowball, knocking his precious hat onto the snow. Meanwhile, Valkyrie was too busy laughing herself into the snow to watch Skulduggery's futile attempts to dislodge the snowball from his eye-socket.

An hour and a wet Bentley-ride later, Valkyrie curled herself up on one of Skulduggery's many leather couches in front of the fire. Her fingers were de-frosting on a scorching mug of hot-chocolate. The steam warmed her face as Skulduggery occasionally glanced up from his book looking slightly more interested than usual for some reason.

Slowly, closing her eyes to absorb the warmth, Valkyrie took a sip of the hot-chocolate. Then she spat it back out.

"Something wrong?" Skulduggery wasted no time in asking.

"What did you put in this?!" Valkyrie squinted at the liquid as though the surface might hold the answer.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Don't you like chilli in your hot chocolate?"

The practical joke was entirely lost on Valkyrie, who was looking forward to a nice, creamy, hot chocolate to warm herself up. She took a moment to mull over the reasoning behind spiking her drink. "Snowball in the eye-socket?" Valkyrie asked almost feeling a little guilty.

Pretending to still be focusing on the book, Skulduggery nodded. "You're smarter than you look."

Valkyrie glared and set the drink down on the wooden side-table. "I'll get you back."

"And how exactly are you going to do that?" He still pretended to be looking at his book.

"I'll kill you in your sleep." Before Skulduggery could point out -yet again- that that was impossible seeing as he was already dead, Valkyrie added casually, peering at the mug. "Or just steal your head..."


	14. Reason to kill number 14

"Just press that button right there." Tanith pointed her thin finger at a rounded button on the front of the blender. "And don't forget to-"

Too late.

Valkyrie pressed the button (without placing the plastic lid on the top of the blender filled with the ice-cream mixture) before Tanith could give her warning. The girls ducked away from the wave of pink gloop before they were coated in it.

Unfortunately it was too late for the skeleton detective; who was unlucky enough to have entered the room just as Valkyrie had pressed the button. The pinky-white mixture was dripping from this skull and hat. "Hello." He remarked bitterly, reaching over and turning off the blender.

Valkyrie and Tanith, at that precise moment, were frozen with surprise; they weren't even aware that he was in the house. But Gordon's house was so large that someone could enter- evidently- without anyone knowing. Suddenly, as though they shared the same mind, Valkyrie and Tanith both screeched with laughter at the sight in front of them.

"Hello!" Valkyrie giggled, too incapacitated with laughter to get to her feet.

"I suppose you think this is funny then?" He lifted his hat off his head, peering at the mysterious gloop.

Tanith, meanwhile, was even worse than Valkyrie; she was lying on the floor struggling to breathe through the fits of laughter.

Valkyrie managed to pull herself to her feet, leaning on the counter for support. "Most definitely."

Without skipping a beat, Skulduggery whipped a hand-full of the gloop and threw it at Valkyrie. It landed on her left cheek; it was clammy and felt a lot like lumpy hair-gel.

"Ew!"

He didn't say anything but Valkyrie knew that he was smiling inside. He continued to lift the pink gloop away from his hat but this hand-full he threw at Tanith.

"Yuck!" Tanith pulled at the bottom of her yellow T-shirt to examine the mess.

"Doesn't feel so good does it?" Skulduggery chuckled at the both.

With this the two girls looked at each other and without saying a word they both took a hand-full of the gloop from the off blender and tossed it at him.


End file.
